The benefits of being assertive
1
Increased Self Awareness
When you’re assertive, you’re valuing your own rights and needs. This can boost your self-confidence and self-worth.
2
Better Relationships
Assertiveness leads to more honest, open communication. It helps prevent resentment from building up and can strengthen both personal and professional relationships.
3
Reduces Stress and Anxiety
By expressing your needs clearly, you’re more likely to have them met, which can reduce stress. You’re also less likely to worry about what others think or feel guilty about not speaking up.
4
Increased Respect from Others
People often respect those who can articulate their thoughts and needs clearly and respectfully.
5
More Control
Being assertive allows you to shape your life according to your wishes, rather than always going along with what others want.
6
Better Problem Solving
Assertiveness encourages open discussions of issues, leading to more effective problem-solving in both personal and professional settings.
7
Decreased Likelihood of Depression
Bottling up feelings or always putting others first can contribute to depression. Assertiveness can help prevent this.
8
Improved Decision Making
When you’re assertive, you’re more likely to make decisions based on your own values and needs, rather than being swayed by others.
9
Enhanced Professional Success
In the workplace, assertiveness can lead to better performance evaluations, more opportunities and increased job satisfaction.
10
Authenticity
Assertiveness allows you to be true to yourself, leading to a more authentic and fulfilling life.
For many men, being assertive can feel uncomfortable at first. We often grow up with cultural messages that discourage “making a fuss” or “rocking the boat”. However, it’s important to understand that being assertive isn’t about being confrontational or aggressive. It’s about clear, honest communication.
Here’s a quick example to illustrate the difference.
Scenario: Your mate always shows up late when you meet at the pub.
Passive Response: Say nothing and silently fume.
Aggressive Response: “You’re always bloody late! You’re so inconsiderate!”
Assertive Response: “I feel frustrated when you’re late because it means less time to catch up. In the future, could you let me know if you’re running behind?”
The assertive response clearly expresses your feelings and needs without attacking the other person. It also suggests a solution for the future.
Learning to be assertive takes practice, but it’s a skill that can significantly improve your mental health and overall quality of life. It’s about finding that sweet spot between being a doormat and being a bull in a china shop.
Skill Stop
Exercise: “Assertiveness in Action”
Regulation in real time helps us calm our limbic system response and engage our frontal cortex.