Practical tips to develop emotional intelligence
Here are some practical tips to help develop your emotional intelligence (EI) and improve your ability to identify and express your needs.
1
Practice Self Reflection
• Set aside 5 - 10 minutes each day to check in with yourself. Ask, “How am I feeling right now?” and “Why might I be feeling this way?”
• Keep a mood journal. Jot down your emotions and the situations that triggered them. Look for patterns over time.
2
Expand your Emotional Vocabulary
• Many blokes struggle with describing emotions beyond “fine” or “angry”. Learn to differentiate between emotions like frustration, disappointment, anxiety etc.
• Try using an “emotion wheel” (easily found online) to help identify more nuanced feelings.
3
Practice Mindfulness
• Try a mindfulness app like Headspace or Calm. Start with just 5 minutes a day.
• During everyday activities (like making a cuppa), focus on your senses and how you feel in the moment.
4
Improve Your Listening Skills
• Practice active listening. When someone is talking, focus entirely on what they’re saying rather than planning your response.
• Ask clarifying questions to ensure you’ve understood correctly.
5
Develop Empathy
• When watching films or reading books, pause to consider how the characters might be feeling.
• In real-life situations, try to put yourself in others’ shoes before reacting.
6
Practice Expressing Emotions
• Start small. Try expressing one emotion each day to someone you trust. For example, “I felt really chuffed when you remembered my birthday”
• Use “I” statements to express feelings. For instance, “ I feel frustrated when...” instead of “You make me angry when...”.
7
Identify Your Needs
• Regularly ask yourself, “What do I need right now?” It could be anything from rest to recognition.
• When you feel strong emotions, try to identify the underlying need. For example, anger might stem from a need for respect.
8
Practice Assertiveness
• Role-play difficult conversations with a trusted friend of in front of a mirror.
• Use the “sandwich” technique: Start with something positive, express your need, then end on a positive note.
9
Seek Feedback
• Ask trusted friends or family how they perceive your emotional reactions and communication style.
• Be open to constructive criticism and view it as an opportunity for growth.
10
Manage Stress
• Identify your stress triggers and develop healthy coping mechanisms (e.g. exercise, hobbies).
• Learn techniques like deep breathing or progressive muscle relaxation to manage stress in the moment.
11
Practice Patience
• Remember, developing EI is a process. Be patient with yourself as you learn and grow.
• Celebrate small victories, like successfully expressing a need or managing a difficult situation.
Main Point
Remember, the goal isn’t to become overly emotional or to start sharing every feeling with everyone. It’s about understanding yourself better, communicating more effectively and meeting your needs in a healthy way. Start small, be consistent, and you’ll likely see improvements in your relationships, work life and overall wellbeing.
Skill Stop
Exercise: “Needs Assessment”